My hair is getting long again.

It's a sure sign that time is moving. I was talking with a friend about this the other day as we were walking. Time and space are always changing and moving and you're never in the same place ever. When you're staring off into the distance looking at something far away, you're not actually seeing what is there. You're seeing what was there. It takes time for stuff to reach your eyes. Things have already changed and become something else by the time you actually see them. It's a fairly strange concept.

I feel like that's how I see things in my life. I look at things far away because I keep things far away from me. And by the time something reaches my eyes, it's already changed. It's already different. Maybe it was one thing at one point in time that I was seeing, and now... it's not. I don't know. I need to stop thinking about this for awhile. Sometimes thoughts are just too big. Too much for my little mind and my little heart.

I started a new big project. :) It's a beautiful, or rather will be a beautiful afghan for my Mom. The colors are amazing and it's very creatively done. It's crocheted in a combination of smaller pieces sewn together, crocheted on and then more small pieces added. I'm enjoying the change of pace. Beading is just not holding my attention right now. Neither is knitting. I would like to do a few more small projects though just so I can feel like I'm accomplishing something. It makes things more manageable and feel more possible.

I'm sometimes overwhelmed by everything that I would like to do in my life. All the books I want to read and all the projects I'd like to do. All of the places that I would like to visit. Everyone that I want to see and spend time with. For today though, it's enough to crochet and spend time with my Mom.

Patience

is definitely not one of my strong suits. I'm definitely an immediate gratification kind of girl. Maybe that's why I'm so bad at this whole job hunting thing, among other things that I'm bad at. There's quite a few, trust me, I know. I've been regularly unemployed for 2 and a half months now and I'm really freaking over it. It is making me fairly agitated in all aspects of my life. I know my poor mother has had to deal with my sarcasm and my angst over it on more than one occasion. Being a nice patient person is something that I definitely need to work on, in addition to being civil to the person or people that I live with, especially when I am grumpy. I hate that I'm spoiled and am used to getting what I want, when I want. I know that it's not an amazingly attractive quality. And I'm fair sure it's rather obnoxious.

Mom and I have been into bonding mode the past few days. We played Trivial Pursuit twice. Once was just us two and the other time was with Miss Karis Koett, who was in from Koyuk on her way to Anchorage. I really miss having that girl here in the village. Tonight Mom and I watched the first Harry Potter and did a puzzle. It was only 500 pieces and tooks us an hour exactly. Needless to say I think we need to stick with 750 or more piece puzzles. She bought me a 2000 piece puzzle and I'm tickled pink over and can't wait to do. Now I just have to convince her to spend a day and do the puzzle with me. Or we could start out with one of the 1500 piece puzzles that I convinced her to get.

Slowly but surely me excercising and attempting to eat healthy has been having it's benefits. It's such an obnoxious thing. Food is just such a wonderful thing. It smells good, tastes good, has all kinds of wonderful textures. I'll never be a tiny skinny person, but I'd like to be healthier. I hope I don't lose my boobs, because I'm quite fond of them. I know a lot of women tend to lose and gain weight there first. So far they've been sticking around. I just hope it stays that way.

It's be below zero for too long as far as I'm concerned. I'm so not a fan of the cold. I hate tingly thighs and a numb face whenever I spend more than a minute outside. It's supposedly supposed to get to 20 above next week. I can't freaking wait. I might even take a walk outside. Ha.

trying.

I am trying to change some physical aspects of my life and I'm so not the biggest fan. I don't think I'll ever be someone who likes to exercise. Let me sit and play video games and I'll go for hours. I can sit and crochet or knit very happily for hours. I can read for hours. Hours fly by when I'm doing beadwork. Five minutes running and all I can think is I want to stop running. It kinda sucks and yet I'm sitting here laughing at myself because of it regardless. Puh.

Trying to get a job here in Unalakleet for a year or more is kinda hard. So far it's not going that amazingly well. Or rather it's going okay but it's kinda slower that I'd prefer. In the meantime I'm doing beadwork to make some spare change and working Bingo (although not very often). I might even be filling in for Lonnie at the hangar for a week and a half or so.

I thought I was in the mood to write and I guess I'm not really. Go figure.

full court press

Ayaire is really pulling for me to move to southeast. I want to be in Alaska and am not sure how long I want to live in Unalakleet. The last time I lived in Anchorage it was an amazing and yet disastrous time in my life. I don't think it'd be the best environment for me. The road system would be fair nice, but Juneau has possibilities. I have Ayaire and I've met a ton of her friends, so I wouldn't be lonely. There's a master's program at the university where I could get my teaching degree. It would take a year and some summer classes. Not too shabby. My old music teacher is here and was singing praises about the program. There's also another factor but I don't care to mention that other than it's a factor. Huh. So there is potential, I just don't know what I'm doing or what I want to do. Or what I should do. I'm so freaking clueless right now. I'm not the biggest fan of it.

Anyways... I'm visiting Ayaire in Juneau right now and so far it's been a marvelous visit. My first day here, Thursday, was my favorite by far. Friday, was a good follow up with a book store, thrift store, and quality Ayaire time. Today I was able to catch up with Mr. Patrick Murphy, my music teacher from high school. It was freaking sweet to see him. Teacher's are such an incredible part of life and I'm so lucky to have them as friends in my life, from both high school and college. Tomorrow is brunch for Christina's birthday/Valentine's Day and a bunch of other things on Ayaire's itinerary (yes she has one for my visit, she's adorable).

We'll see what comes my way at home, job wise and such, and I'll probably consider southeast. I just wish I could see where I am/should be in 5 years from now and know what steps I need to take in order to get there. I'm slightly terrified and enthralled at the unknown.

balls.

Remind me when I unpack my storage unit to dispose of 5 things. Be it an octopus, a box of crap, a bag of clothes, a unit of shelves, SOMETHING!

Arrowhead Lace

Practicing a new stich in hat format. I got this stitch from my stitch a day calender. (Yes, I have one.) The yarn was from my dear, sweet Mom. I love how the colors blended with full rings that are thick and thin. It's harder to see the actual pattern in the picture but the lace holes angle up and then down. The pattern is done in sets of 10 stitches and then repeats. I used size 9 needles with 60 stitches. Hats are fun because they work up fast. It's nice working on big projects that take a long time and little projects that make you feel like you're accomplishing something.

Arrowhead

I think I need a job.

Or at least less time on my hands.