Previously in my life the word beautiful had only been used to describe sunsets, artwork and amazing math proofs. However, I met a guy or knew a guy or know a guy that used the word a lot in reference to me. This was a very new thing. At first it was a joke to me, but after a good bit of time it became something real to me. The word/idea/concept became defined in a way that was more than the perfect picture or the platonic ideal of whatever you were thinking of.
Maybe my previous friends just didn't like using the word, or didn't see me that way. I don't really know. I do know that certain friends that I have now use the word freely, without thought of gain or reciprocation, directed at me. It makes me feel incredible and so worthy of the attention that I crave and that I seem to get, even when I don't understand how or why.
I need to think about this more and reformulate my words and thoughts.
