Because it's not warm enough to wear dresses solo these days

I really wanted to wear a dress.  Or at least dress up more than my typical jeans and t-shirt.  So I went with a dress AND a zippy up thing and some jeans that I made skinny because I was curious how they would look on me.  The dress I got for summer time in Durango and ended up wearing it as a witness for my friends wedding.  It's super light and summery.  Which was perfect for Durango.  Not so perfect for Unalakleet.

I love the pandas on my shoulder.

The orange zippy-thing I got from Ms Marty Osredker for my birthday.  It looks fantastic when it's unzipped and I love it.  However when you zip it up it has a bulge from the zipper is a fairly unattractive place.  My Mom suggested that I replace the zipper and gather the material a little bit.  This is a genius idea and I'll probably get around to it one of these days.  But for now it shall remain an unzipped accoutrement to other articles of clothing.

The jeans.  Not so bad.  Unless you can see my lack of ass then they're kind of awkward.

The jeans are from Old Navy.  But originally they were a boot cut or a wide leg or a flare.  And they were HUGE.  They didn't fit my hips or but or anything.  However they were stretchy and about $4.  So I bought em knowing I could always resize them.  The first time I resized them, I just cut em down and kept 'em as flares.  I still wasn't very keen on them.  And I was curious about skinny jeans for my winter boots.  This let to me cutting them down sewing 'em into skinny jeans.  This worked surprisingly well for me.  So now I have skinny jeans.  And I like the pairing with the dress.  So there.

I just looked up at the leg picture and realized the my socks MATCH my dress.  This was not intentional.  I don't ever think about my socks.  But it is a very pleasant surprise.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is tough.  How do you forgive someone and not forget the hurt?  How do you learn to guard your heart against further hurt?  I don't think I have this down yet.  I think I forgive people and accept their apologies.  I slowly ease the hurt that crushed me and destroyed a little of the self-confidence that I struggle to build up.  But it changes my relationship with the individual forever.

If there was a lie, there's now doubt.  If there was a broken promise, there is a little bit of a broken heart.  If there was screaming and yelling and name calling, the words that were said sneak into my head and into my heart.  There is an impact.  An apology doesn't make the words that were said disappear.  Should the apology restore the relationship to it's former state?  Can it?  Wouldn't it just lead to being in the same situation?

I have past experience with a friend that has lied to me, not followed through with promises, ignored my calls, stood me up, disappointing me and hurting me time and time again.  I can't even think of all the times that I've bawled by myself in a car, at the airport, in a hotel room because I've tried to hang out with her.  I forgive, over time I forget.  I get hurt again.  Something has to change.  And since nothing has changed with her, clearly something has to change with me.  I don't want to be hurt anymore.  Therefore, my conclusion is to let the friendship go.

Which is tough and hurtful itself.  You share your life with someone for so long and have so many experiences and memories with so much potential for more.  How can it be possible to give that up?  And yet, do the few good moments outweigh the hurt?  Where is the line that I can walk to protect my heart and yet still forgive someone?

I don't understand.

An Anchorage day with bestie

Recently I spent a few days here and there in Anchorage, where my bestie is moving to.  We were able to spend a bit of time together.  She helped me (well she hung out with me, due to a busted foot she mostly just followed me around in a little vroom-vroom cart) do some running around.

Front view

Slightly closer view

My socks.  :)