Forgiveness

Forgiveness is tough.  How do you forgive someone and not forget the hurt?  How do you learn to guard your heart against further hurt?  I don't think I have this down yet.  I think I forgive people and accept their apologies.  I slowly ease the hurt that crushed me and destroyed a little of the self-confidence that I struggle to build up.  But it changes my relationship with the individual forever.

If there was a lie, there's now doubt.  If there was a broken promise, there is a little bit of a broken heart.  If there was screaming and yelling and name calling, the words that were said sneak into my head and into my heart.  There is an impact.  An apology doesn't make the words that were said disappear.  Should the apology restore the relationship to it's former state?  Can it?  Wouldn't it just lead to being in the same situation?

I have past experience with a friend that has lied to me, not followed through with promises, ignored my calls, stood me up, disappointing me and hurting me time and time again.  I can't even think of all the times that I've bawled by myself in a car, at the airport, in a hotel room because I've tried to hang out with her.  I forgive, over time I forget.  I get hurt again.  Something has to change.  And since nothing has changed with her, clearly something has to change with me.  I don't want to be hurt anymore.  Therefore, my conclusion is to let the friendship go.

Which is tough and hurtful itself.  You share your life with someone for so long and have so many experiences and memories with so much potential for more.  How can it be possible to give that up?  And yet, do the few good moments outweigh the hurt?  Where is the line that I can walk to protect my heart and yet still forgive someone?

I don't understand.