New era of life

So I've started grad school. I'm a week into it. And I'm not so scared of the recitations I'm teaching anymore, but I am very intimidated by the level of math that I'm doing. I've never really had to work that hard at math. It's come naturally to me. I have the distinct feeling that I'm going to be doing a large amount of work studying and reading and re-studying and re-reading. Daunting, but doable I think.

Being in front of the classroom isn't nearly as scary as I made it up to be. I actually had nightmares about it before hand. In my dream (nightmare) I missed my recitations because I was busy doing something else. I woke up and was completely freaked out. So I got up early at 7 am, way early for me. And went to campus a half an hour early, just in case something went wrong. I got to class 10 minutes early and there were already people there! I pulled out my worksheets and the notes I'd written down so I wouldn't forget my name. Then I sat there for the remaining 8 minutes in silence staring. It was so freaking uncomfortable. It didn't help with my nerves at all. I started class about a minute early and was kind of stuttery and hestitant. They didn't have any questions for me so I just started them right in on the worksheet. They seemed pretty tired and slow moving, but once they started talking to each other and asking me questions I felt a lot better and was able to move into a fairly comfortable state of mind. The questions they were asking me I knew inside and outside, it was all material the was familiar to me and something tangible I could deal with. It fit me like a well worn shoe. Which was strange. I didn't think I'd feel that way about being in front of a class.

When I was in Bozeman visiting J, he passed on some books to me. One of them was The Living Dead, which is a compilation of Zombie short stories and I'm absolutely in love with it. Some of the zombies are semi-intelligent and others are the mindless come after you type. It's a good book to take with and read sporatically on errands because the stories are short enough that you don't actually lose your place. I'd recommend it as a fun read. Zombies are my new favorite scary thing if you hadn't guessed.

life on the road, again :)

I moved out of Unalakleet on July 29th, 2009. :) Officially homeless and officially loving it. My Mom and I flew to Anchorage and on the 31st we drove to Denali with Marty. We spent two nights there and were the only people that were sitting around a campfire, cooking on the campfire and actually enjoying the outside. Everyone else just stayed in their campers. No one actually camps anymore. It was a strange, strange realization. They missed out on such wonderful things such as squirrels humping.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow

These two were all over our campsite performing coitus. It was hilarious. The second day that were were there we went on an 8 hour bus ride. Four hours in and 4 hours out. It was really flipping sweet going in and not too bad, but the 4 hours out were torturous. We did see some really neat wildlife though. Moose, a bear with her cubs (triplets!), so so many rabbits, some eagles, mountain sheep (white dots) and some reindeer. Here's picatures for your viewing pleasure.

Young female moose

Triplets, busy mom...

Caribou

After camping in Denali we cruised on up to Fairbanks and stayed the night with Mindy. I finally got to sleep in the Eurovan. It was amazing. I popped the top up and slept up there with all the windows down. I so could live in a van like that for a year or two. I think for now school is going to interfere with that. On the 4th we cruised on down to Eagle River where Jim and Teresa were having a huge barbecue/birthday party. I ended up staying and hanging out while Mom and Marty went back to Anchorage. We planned on Karaoke but unfortunately the bar wasn't in agreement with that seeing as it wasn't open. So we sat around the campfire talking and a guitar was brought out. Very mellow. Very nice. Good fourth of July. The rest of the time in Anchorage was a blur. Mom's birthday was on the 6th and I got a new tattoo on the 9th and flew out to Missoula that evening. Flying with a new saran wrapped tattoo is not a pleasant experience.

Restless feet

I'm traveling and my feet are restless. This is pretty rare. Normally when I'm traveling and doing stuff my feet are happy because they're already moving. Maybe they're just looking ahead to the month that I'm going back to Unalakleet for. I'm almost wishing I hadn't committed to it and that I can just leave after this time in Juneau. I'm just ready to move towards school. And I have stuff I want and need to do before I am ready to start school. I don't know. I know I'm over Alaska for a while. I really hope I settle down before I get home, or I'll just be miserable there and make everyone around me miserable. Stupid. I know I'm doing something stupid and inconsiderate and do it anyways. Definitely one of my faults and my selfish spoiled habits.

My life gets stranger and stranger....

always, always in the best possible ways. :)

I won a vacation in Florida today. I never win things, and now I can stop saying that! How nifty. I'm still kind of surpised by it. Elated and surprised.

My birthday, well I guess month, has been absolutely incredible. My Mom gave me a new Eeyore tank and coffee mug, a beatiful carosel horse tapestery, her blessing and non-judgement on me not wanting to be here in Unalakleet on my birthday and support in being weird and random and getting a ticket outta here. I feel like there was something else and it's not jumping into my head at the moment. Needless to say she spoiled me rotten, and I loved it.

I left Unalakleet the Tuesday before my birthday and arrived in Montana on Wednesday. I cruised from Missoula on over to Bozeman and of course J and I started celebrating. :) A celebration that lasted from Wednesday till Sunday. Whatta friend, let me tell you! We went out on Wednesday. Thursday morning we made a great breakfast and had lovely mimosas, and Thursday evening we played cards with his friends and went to see live music. Friday was lazy and slow, perfect for gearing up for Friday night, which was Brewfest with lots and lots of lovely microbrews and his very nice friends who were incredibly welcoming and accepting. Saturday, he grilled steaks, made a salad and cooked asparagus for my birthday feast and then we went out Saturday night. I got good and toasted and had a marvelous time. Sunday was haggard but a good drive to Missoula. Couldn't have asked for a better actual birthday day.

Missoula was mellow and happy. Hanna is doing so good and it makes me so happy to see that. Luke is doing really well too and it just makes my heart happy. I think it makes Mama Rodli happy too. Lots of happiness there. We cooked a lot, ate a lot. Hanna and I were able to talk and it felt like old times. Good times. More... normal.

Here back at home I had a delayed pseudo party with my Mom, Hazel, Karis, and Sy. I cooked dinner and made a cake and we played games. Karis gave me an awfully marvelous hat and boa to wear and Sy gave me Disaronno. :) I love my friends, dearly. Quite a random bunch too, but once the ice was broken everything was perfect.

And now a vacation. In Florida. I'm pretty much happy right now. Even thought I'm restless, I'm happy. It's a good thing.

Boulder visit and of course karoake

I went to Boulder and visited the school a week ago Friday. I left Unalakleet on Wednesday and arrived in Boulder Thursday cross-eyed from sleep deprivation. I took a nap and then went to dinner with a little over half of the other prospectives and one of our graduate student liasons or whatever you want to call her. She was very nice and it was slight awkward at first but as dinner progressed, we started asking questions and talking. The two from Tennessee were severly annoying and everyone else was nice, kinda bland, but nice. I asked a few questions but one girl really took the reins and went to town asking questions. So I rode those shirt tails and she basically covered every question that I'd thought of. After dinner I was still fair tired so I read for a bit and honestly went to bed at 9:30. Pathetic considering the time change would have put me at 7:30. Rockstar. Let me tell you.

Friday dawned at about 7:00 and I took a shower and ate breakfast. Little did I know that starting my day with food with lead to an entire day of eating! Seriously they must have thought that food was the way to get us to go to school there. The other graduate school liason met us in the lobby and we walked on over to the university. Short lovely walk. :) We had a meet and greet thing with more breakfast in the Math building. I could barely eat but I totally managed to stuff coffee down in my tummy no problem at all. David Grant spoke for a while and then a professor and a grad student both gave short talks. They finished just in time for us prospectives to be rushed to Analysis and then Algebra class with almost no time to pee! After the classes, which were slightly awkward because we just jumped in with no real notice (one professor was quite nervous, it was quite cute), we met up with some other graduate students and went to lunch on the hill. I went with one of the graduate liasons and another prospective to a sushi place. Now this prospective was the most amazing question asker ever! She even had a list that she read over a few times. Every question that could possibly be thought of was asked by her along with several variations that expanded the graduate liasons answers. Amazing. And great. I didn't have to think at all and his brain was being picked clean. Nifty. After lunch we had some down time. I sat with two graduate students and talked with them and read a tad bit just to get my mind off of crap for a second or two. After downtime and some more coffee there were three more talks and then dinner with grad students and professors. It seriously felt like we just had eaten lunch! But I managed to eat a little and socialize. I was definitely getting a good vibe from everyone and from the campus and Boulder. Kinda nutty. Didn't think I'd like it as much as I did. After the dinner we had two options, happy hour with the grad students or bowling with grad students. I chose happy hour with the grad students. I was one of two to do that. :) Hehehe... It was a pleasant evening and I even ran into someone that I knew from Durango. Colorado is small. Almost as small as Alaska.

Amanda dancing

Speaking of Alaska here are some pictures of my Anchorage time. I went and saw Amanda dance at the Biker Show thingy. We also got coffee and went to dinner and hung out and it was awesome. :)

Me and Jason

This is Jason and I becoming intoxicated at a karaoke bar. We started out this evening at Koot's and proceeded to let Lucy out, seek out a karaoke bar, and get quite intoxicated. Pretty sure we were both still tossed the next am.

Such a rockstar

This is me singing karaoke at the karaoke bar. The classic Journey move. I think I do this everytime that I sing "Don't Stop Believing." Bitchin', I'm so bitchin.

I love karoake

And this would be Jason singing at the karaoke bar. We're awesome, aren't we? He also played a lot of air guitar. It was AWESOME. Shenanigans.

So this grad school thing.

The offer was pretty amazing. At least I think so. I'd get a Teaching Assisstantship that would pay just over 15,000 for the school year, they would waive the tuition for 9 credits (full-time), and I would get a 2500 fellowship. I'm going to look at the school in two weeks. Just bought my ticket. It's startling to think that I'll end up back in Colorado after all of my planning towards what I thought was my inevitable move to Montana. Part of my heart is forever stuck in Montana with Hanna, Luke, Mama Rodli... I bought car insurance in Montana. My car is already there. I've looked at apartments and kittens online since April (even thought I wouldn't have been moving there earlier than January.)

But I can picture myself in Boulder as well. It's 4-5 hours closer to Missoula. I wouldn't have to drive through Utah anymore but I guess instead would have to drive through Wyoming. It's close to Durango, so I could still visit. I know a few people in the Boulder/Denver area. Megan and her family, Nicole, Chris, Madison, Jenny (she'll be moving to Seattle shortly though.) Two of my professors went to graduate school there so I'm assuming the school was good and that they liked it there. Denver is a larger airport to fly in and out of and a lot less expensive than Durango or Missoula, both are small airports. I've looked at some classifieds for Boulder and I could afford to have a two bedroom all to myself. I love living by myself. I wish I knew where I was going to be 5 months from now. That way I could be planning on what I need and want. I just want to be there, buying a new bed, putting up my book shelves, taping up pictures on my walls, cooking, cleaning, reading in my bed at 5 in the morning, dancing while I do my dishes, piling magazines up in a corner, stupid stuff. I think I've had too much coffee this morning and am just too restless.

I did it.

I got into grad school. I'm slightly freaking out about it. Can I do this? I want this. I don't want to fail, I don't want to mess this up. All I keep thinking is I did it. But can I do it?

I wish I slept more, better. :)