Some nights I sleep for 4 hours and then am just awake. Not wake up, roll over and fall back asleep. Just wake up and my eyes are open. I remember being able to sleep. I guess I get more done though because I have more time. Ha. I don't know if I always use this time productively though. I've been coloring, beading, knitting, reading, playing video games, cooking actual meals, spending time with friends, and crocheting. I've definitely had my zone out moments though when I just sit and stare at that TV.
Part of me is really freaking out about packing up all my shit and getting it into storage in a reasonable time. Another huge part of me is freaking out about finding someone to rent my place. Yet there is a huge zen part of me that knows I'll deal with shit as it comes. Things happen for a reason. If not then you just deal with it. Ya know? I used to freak out and really worry and not sleep at all, but I've gotten better and just dealing with stuff when the time comes and not worry about it so much before hand.
I'll be home in four days after two days of travel. I hate flying. The flights down were the bumpiest I'd had in a long time and they completely freaked me out. Especially leaving Anchorage to come back here to Boulder. It was making the plane creak and groan. If the flights are like that I'm going to be completely miserable. Took all I had in me to not cry. I'm turning into such a wuss. This is precisely why I will never be able to go on a roller coaster ride.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
coffee mugs and friends
Do you ever change coffee mugs because you haven't washed the coffee mug you normally use for about a week and realize the fit of the replacement is better for your hand? Just feels more natural. I think I might be switching coffee mugs. I hope my other coffee mug doesn't mind very much. Maybe it'll just think that I'm taking turns.
I've recently decided to quit graduate school. I thought when I started graduate school that it might have been what I was looking for. What I was passionate about. Turns out it wasn't. It wasn't making me happy. It won't make me happy. And I think I could have done it and succeeded. But I would have been pretty miserable. It would have been safe. It's much scarier saying I don't want this I'm going to look for something else. Something I might never find, might never succeed at even if I do find out what I want.
Quitting graduate school really opened my eyes to how blessed I am in family and friends. Everyone that I consider close to me has been full of support and love and encouragement. I honestly did not think that would happen. I expected a lot of arguing. A lot of "I'm disappointed." It blew my mind. How I got so blessed I'll never know, but I'm thankful everyday for the people that I love. Especially my mother. I'd be lost without her.
Right now I'm looking at options on the home front. I've applied for a job at the post office at home. I've always wanted to work at a post office, since we were drawing what we wanted to be when we grew up in kindergarten. I need to get my fingerprints done today or tomorrow and get the paper portion of the application in the mail. That work would be temporary and part-time which would help me get my feet back under me. Also, there is a program in Alaska called AKT2, which is a non-traditional teacher certification program. The deadline is passed for this year, but I have some folks trying to get me into the program. I would take a 3 week course over the summer and get a temporary teacher's certificate. Then I would be able to teach in a school district in Alaska and over the course of 2 years I would study and get a teacher's certificate while working. It's amazing how these opportunities seemed to present themselves after I made this decision.
I'm slowly starting to purge myself of some of my crap. Not nearly enough I'm sure but I'm trying. I'm moving DVD's to a case and have thrown away two bags of raggy clothes and have two bags ready to drop off for thrift. I need to sell my walker, my papasan, and a few other things, but I think a lot of stuff is just going into storage. I'm actually really proud of the fact that I was able to get rid of so much clothing. If I didn't have craftwork I'd have a lot less to store as well. Curse of the crafty, I guess.
Today's going to be a long day. I couldn't sleep last night, try as I may. I tossed and turned and curled up and stayed awake through it all. I'm hoping my hours move into something more normal when I'm at home.
If anyone wants a crazy, wonderful, fucked up read. Go for Permanent Midnight by Jerry Stahl.
If anyone wants a good listen go for The Exponents. :) 80's genius dear friends.
If anyone wants a light hearted N64 game go for Paper Mario.
I've recently decided to quit graduate school. I thought when I started graduate school that it might have been what I was looking for. What I was passionate about. Turns out it wasn't. It wasn't making me happy. It won't make me happy. And I think I could have done it and succeeded. But I would have been pretty miserable. It would have been safe. It's much scarier saying I don't want this I'm going to look for something else. Something I might never find, might never succeed at even if I do find out what I want.
Quitting graduate school really opened my eyes to how blessed I am in family and friends. Everyone that I consider close to me has been full of support and love and encouragement. I honestly did not think that would happen. I expected a lot of arguing. A lot of "I'm disappointed." It blew my mind. How I got so blessed I'll never know, but I'm thankful everyday for the people that I love. Especially my mother. I'd be lost without her.
Right now I'm looking at options on the home front. I've applied for a job at the post office at home. I've always wanted to work at a post office, since we were drawing what we wanted to be when we grew up in kindergarten. I need to get my fingerprints done today or tomorrow and get the paper portion of the application in the mail. That work would be temporary and part-time which would help me get my feet back under me. Also, there is a program in Alaska called AKT2, which is a non-traditional teacher certification program. The deadline is passed for this year, but I have some folks trying to get me into the program. I would take a 3 week course over the summer and get a temporary teacher's certificate. Then I would be able to teach in a school district in Alaska and over the course of 2 years I would study and get a teacher's certificate while working. It's amazing how these opportunities seemed to present themselves after I made this decision.
I'm slowly starting to purge myself of some of my crap. Not nearly enough I'm sure but I'm trying. I'm moving DVD's to a case and have thrown away two bags of raggy clothes and have two bags ready to drop off for thrift. I need to sell my walker, my papasan, and a few other things, but I think a lot of stuff is just going into storage. I'm actually really proud of the fact that I was able to get rid of so much clothing. If I didn't have craftwork I'd have a lot less to store as well. Curse of the crafty, I guess.
Today's going to be a long day. I couldn't sleep last night, try as I may. I tossed and turned and curled up and stayed awake through it all. I'm hoping my hours move into something more normal when I'm at home.
If anyone wants a crazy, wonderful, fucked up read. Go for Permanent Midnight by Jerry Stahl.
If anyone wants a good listen go for The Exponents. :) 80's genius dear friends.
If anyone wants a light hearted N64 game go for Paper Mario.
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